(Thanks for the title, Herb Caen)
It’s the middle of July and raining in parts of the Bay Area. This is NOT supposed to happen. Back in the 50s and 60s, we blamed weird weather patterns on nuclear tests by the USSR. Here in the oughties, we blame them on global warming. What will we blame them on in the 30s and 40s? I’m torn among investment bankers, rabid Oklahoma Republicans and folks who live in Los Angeles.
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If Sarah Palin described herself as “not a quitter,” why did she quit?
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Are Charleton Heston’s fingers cold and dead enough yet that we can finally pry that assault rifle from them?
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If newspapers all go the way of the dinosaurs, what will we line birdcages with?
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I was asked yesterday if I intended to go see a local production of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” “I’m a firm believer in a comment I heard a few years ago,” I replied. “Why do so many people take an instant dislike to Lloyd Weber’s music? Because it saves time.”
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Here in California, the Bankrupt…er…Golden State, we have pledged that all our residents are entitled to a free and first-class college education. There is NO tuition at any California public university. Of course, there are those pesky “fees,” which are fast approaching the cost to attend a top private university.
We bemoan this, because we really do believe that education is an investment in our future. Why, we ask, should it cost $30 -$40,000 a year to attend a public university?
Of course, we also want the best infrastructure — and we used to have it, just like we used to have a top-notch educational system. We want roads and bridges and levees and streets without potholes and playgrounds and bridges. And we want the best social services and the best safety net for our least fortunate citizens.
How do we propose to pay for this? I dunno, we shrug collectively. Ain’t my problem.
Taxes? Wash your mouth out with soap, boy. We don’t need no steenking taxes.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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Clippings from my bulletin board:
“The case of ‘William Shakespear’s Romeo & Juliet’ goes to the larger issue of ‘accessibility.’ For my money, it’s clear that some works of art just have to be met halfway. Either we meet them and experience their joys, or we hang back and watch Schwarzenegger movies. But to make something accessible by making it lousy — by changing it into something else while claiming it’s the real thing — does nobody any favors.” — San Francisco Chronicle review of a few years ago. Author unknown.
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“Elitism is the slur directed at merit by mediocrity.” — Sydney J. Harris
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“This, I think, is a great secret. Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean the other person has to know about it. Just because you have a plan that is certain to make her life richer and fuller doesn’t mean you need to share it with her right this minute.” — Jon Carroll